Nutella Consumption Guide

Nutella! My favourite source of chocolatey goodness. 

Nutella has been produced since 1964, and if you want to read more about that kind of thing the Wiki article is here

Ferrero were sued last year, because "Nutella's misleading promotion led consumers to believe that Nutella carries nutrutional and health benefits, marketing it as part of a nutritional breakfast" but to the Fererro family $3m is nothing so they took it in their stride, and contnue to produce the pure chocolate ecstasy that is their hazelnut spread.

If you believed that liquid chocolate was part of a nutritious breakfast you deserve a slap for being a fool. Nutella, in all it's delicious awesomeness, doesn't have to be a source of nutrition to make it to people's breakfast / lunch / dinner tables, computer desks and small tables next to the sofa for perfect access while playing video games.

I have in the past not answered a phone call on more than one occasion because I was wrist deep in a jar of Nutella, and well.. priorities.. 

750g jar of Nutella

Anything less than a 750g jar is easy work in a mere hour or two, sometimes minutes, so obviously the 750g is the best way to go, and if you are not sure where to find this happiness in a jar, check your local supermarket, E-Mart, Costco and Sainsbury's have it for sure as that is where I go to feed my addiction. 

Consumption Guide! :D

Preparation:

You will need a knife, a spoon, and freshly thouroughly washed hands.

I suggest settling in front of the TV or computer or wherever you watch things, and put on your favourite TV show or anime series for eating this (doesn't matter what it is, the taste of Nutella even negated the gore I was exposed to while watching "The Walking Dead".) as getting up and moving around can impede the consumption process, (although if you have access to this than you can get over that problem). 

They suggest breakfast as a good time to eat Nutella, but that is way too limiting, and I rarely eat breakfast. Especially now I am unemployed breakfast = lunch anyway. Sometimes eating while playing games can be OK  but you will need both hands or the great speed and coordination to lick a spoon clean in seconds while simultaneously gripping a 750g jar between your knees and holding a console controller in the other hand (I have this coordination).

1st Stage of Nutella Eating

It all starts in a reasonably civilised way, with a nice loaf of bread or a crumpet, and a knife for application. When you run out of bread, progress to the 2nd stage.

2nd Stage

At the 2nd stage only a spoon is needed, often at this point you get thirsty so you need a glass of water at hand for this stage. Scoop mountains of Nutella out with the spoon, the more you can actually pile on the spoon the less energy you will have to waste dipping the spoon in the jar. It's all about efficiency.

After the 2nd stage you will start to find that the spoon comes back less than completely coated more often and then you need to progress to the 3rd Stage.

3rd Stage

The next stage requires one to revert to ones most basic hunter gatherer skills, the gathering eating part mainly. Before one undertakes in this part of the eating stage, although I am sure that most people would have done so already, washing your hands is essential because licking unwashed hands can lead to all kinds of sickness. 

The use of ones finger will result in the removal of all but a small trace of chocolate love from the jar. I find it is better to keep a fingernail short for this purpose, as getting chocolate out from under nails can be difficult and result in tongue cuts.

As you can see the jar opening is just wide-enough to allow an adult hand to get in there. I see this as the makers of Nutella encouraging us not to waste any of this chocolatey goodness.

I hope this guide can help you to enjoy Nutella.

(NB: Excessive consumption of Nutella could possibly lead to high sugar related disease like diabetes and obesity, and in my case eczema outbreaks but I think think there is anything wrong with a treat every now and again!!!)